Report Dozezzzzzzzz

Marking Dozezzzzzzzzz Again

Due to difficulties in uploading this is a few days posts put together.

The days are really dragging with all the marking finished and only 20 report cards still to mark. My forecast of the amount of time spent in the office is proving to be about right with the vast majority disappearing before lunchtime and not coming back.

So far nothing else has been mentioned about the portfolios for the next two weeks in the head office for. Lets wait and see if that is quietly dropped.

As far as jobs go, it seems that the dangling carrot of being offered new schools by the agency was just an imaginary one. The FUD spoke to someone yesterday and basically said along the lines of start looking for a new job. Of course he couldn’t quite say that as that would be straightforward and clear. He came out with a ramble along the lines of “well, I can’t promise anything but if you are comfortable waiting then wait for us to offer something to you, but if you don’t feel comfortable with that then maybe it would be better for you to think about doing something on your own. Yeesh, talk about using 20 words when 3 will do. I wonder sometimes if he is a relative of the poster machengzi on http://www.ajarnforum.net :)

To give you an example of what a prat our FUD is, we had a group photograph sprung on us yesterday. Unfortunately I had an interview to go to – using common sense I have arranged all my interviews in the afternoons. So I tell the FUD I am not going to be there and he gives it a considered hmmm, hummm, ahhhhhh, well I suppose if you have an interview, I suppose well hmmm, alright. ???? he tells one guy to look around and then later he tells someone that when they are going for an interview. Unbelievable.

I was speaking to someone on Monday night who basically said I was in fact very lucky for being paid to sit around doing nothing. In a way I suppose they are right but this is dead time, it's wasted time. I would love to have some proper training, I really would. Not just some ramshackle thing cobbled together and delivered by some numbskull that they have dragged in from the office or by the FUD but real teacher training that I would get some benefit from. But that won’t happen, that would cost money!

Today I finished the final report card and whoops by about 10.00 almost everyone was away home. I overheard someone saying that next week we would actually have to stay the full day because we would be in the head office of teh agency. Hmmm. I think not somehow. Where will they put us all? Errr the staff room isnt big enough. Will they put us in a classroom. Maybe but again then why do they insist on us wearing shirts and ties when at the weekend they dont insist on teachers wearing a shirt and tie. Who knows. Probably the usuall power and control attempts.

Marking Dazezzzzzzzzzzzz

Two days into the marking and it's boring already. It's about half and half who has completed the marking and those who haven’t. So far, I have finished all the marking and made a start on the report cards.

Oh boy, are they a laugh. They always are, trying to think of as many different ways of saying

Somchai is not as thick as two short planks as that would give him more credit that he deserves. He possibly has as much common sense and intelligence as the shoe polish I put on my shoes this morning. Knowing Somchai he would actually probably try to eat the shoe polish thinking it was a new type of sweet cake.

My current favourite at the moment is that Somchai has made steady progress through the year. Of course, this hides a multitude of sins. What I mean on some of them is that he has made progress, at the end of the year he was remembering to bring pencils and books to class. Of course, sometimes I mean he did actually make some progress with his English!

As I said last week we had been told to turn up full time this week and next. I suppose predictably the first day there was a quiet revolt and most folk had departed the scene by about 1.30 in the afternoon.

Today was even worse with a mass disappearance by midday. I think it's going to get worse not better somehow. As well as that we have people turning up late. Surprisingly, the latest I noticed was just after 9.30am. But then again, there are a couple of people who didn’t turn up at all over the last couple of days.

As far as I am aware this still means they get a 2000Baht fine for going over their allotted sick days. This is something I really can’t figure as the couple of people involved are always going on about how much extra money they have to save or spend or their rent or whatever. But then they go and waste 2000B by not turning up in the easiest part of the year. Who knows!

One of the late guys is a guy that in his own words was a “senior manager in the aerospace industry for 20 years”. Unfortunately this guy is one of the most self obsessed individuals I have seen in a while. He seems to be totally self absorbed and unconscious to the effect that he has around him. Among his nicknames are “The Professor” and ‘Mr Slurpee”. He seems incapable of drinking or eating something without giving the full food expert effect of slurping a drink around his mouth or the food before swallowing it. He sometimes sounds like Skippy the Kangaroo. Where or when he got this habit I have no idea but eeeeuuuuuuuucccchhhhh! He also has the habit of sounding so supercilious when he is talking to people as though nobody is worth talking to.

One pleasant surprise was that beside the library rooms where we are based is a computer room that the kids use during term time – which basically means that we can go on the internet. Also because there are about 20 odd pcs it means that there is enough for everybody to go round, so no arguments of the “you’ve been on for 1 hour and I’ve been waiting...” type.

Tomorrow is Maha Bucha Day so an official holiday and see you all on Thursday.

Last Day of Teaching & More Contract Details

Last day was spent just playing games with the kids and some of them were alright, some of them were just out of control and didn’t want to listen even to instructions on how to play. Idiots. They knew they would be getting something special as I told them not to bring books., immediately of course they started to go apeshit. As soon as they came into the room they moved all the chairs to in front of the tv. Why they thought they would be getting a video is beyond me as they have never got one all semester and they only had one or two lessons last semester.

It does look as though that will be the last time I ever see those kids as it appears that I am not going to get an interview with the school. Some who have applied have got interviews but I haven’t received a reply. Shame in a way but possibly it's good overall, stops the rut of the same old same old, new school environment etc etc

Drum roll please drummmmmmmmm tksssh!

We had the meeting to confirm what was happening for the rest of the semester and it was, in reality, quite boring with no major riots, arguments, storming of the gates, lynchings etc.

Whether it was deliberate or not it seems to have been that the rumours that were coming out last week were wide of the mark. There is no unpaid leave, no option to get away early etc. But the downside is that for the next two weeks we are going to have work full time in a couple of rooms off the school library. Hmmm. The rooms themselves are nice as meeting rooms but totally unsuitable for 20 teachers for two solid weeks. What are we doing during this time? Doing marking and writing report cards. OK. That takes care of 3 days if it's approached in even a slow but steady manner.

After that we have to work in the main offices preparing “Teaching Portfolios”. These are going to be used for the schools who have no resources or have very few. Riiiiight. Are these new schools? Exisiting schools? If they are existing schools surely the teachers there have created prepared some stuff. Also they know far better than we what year level and language level the kids are, what the class size is, what the school likes the teachers to do etc etc etc. Without knowing that, we could be preparing material that will never be used. In fact odds are, that is exactly what will happen. The work will go into a binder somewhere and never be looked at or used.

Basically the idea is to take the best ideas that we used during the year and write instructions on how to do the exercise. Now the question is, what was wrong with the material that we have been preparing, creating and using and storing in various binders during the school year? Apparently the answer is that they are not specific enough. Huh? They want more specific and detailed portfolios not just a scatter gun approach and the FUD is going to set up teams to create these. Wow, I can hardly wait.

Also because we are going to be in the main office we need to work full time and wear shirts and ties. Shirt and tie? Why? I didn’t wear a shirt and tie when I worked there at weekends. But no biggie I suppose. Full time for two weeks? Why? Again it really would take only a couple of days to do if it's approached in a steady manner. Traditionally the non contact time is reduced hours, something like 9 til 2. Why are they saying full time now? Who knows?

And on March 18 they are going to throw a party for us. A PARTY?!?! It will be interesting to see just how many people turn up as this is the last day of servitude and it will mean freedom – at least as far as turning up goes. They still hold the back pay over us and the end of year completion bonus will get paid at the end of April. So just for the moment, to stop burning bridges I wont name the names yet.

One other thing that came up was the announcement that there could be new schools for us to go to next year and that certain people had already been approached and offered jobs and that in the next couple of weeks more people would be approached. Age old story isn’t it.

The other thing that came up is that the school could and probably will cancel our visas on March 31 which means unless a new school picks us up very soon we need to go through the whole work permit process again and I HAVE to leave the country to get a new non imm B visa. Wonderful, not. Apparently the FUD never thought about what will happen to us. Even the ones who are going to be kept on by the agency!! I suppose I should be shocked but unfortunately I am not, it's just another example of the lack of forethought. It also more importantly shows the effect when people have a 11 month contract. If you have a 12 month contract, the work permit runs to the same date. With an 11 month one you have a gap every year and probably have to do a visa run and scramble around.

The Beginning of the End

Well, today saw the first of the classes I will not see again.

It was not a sad occasion I have to say. I was actually pretty joyful with one exception. This Prathom 2 kid who is quiet, hard working, clever, listens and has a great attitude. How the hell did he get into the school :) He is actually the ONLY one out of 140 kids I have never had to say sit down or be quiet to at some point over the year. I will miss teaching him. If they were all like him I think my job would be 3 times as hard because they would all want to work and not goof off. But also 3 times more enjoyable because I would actually be teaching. This kid, given a choice between a colouring in sheet or a word search will do the word search first. Everytime. So to mark the occasion, I bought a children's illustrated dictionary and thesaurus and made up a little award certificate for him. Gawd!! I am turning soft!!!!!

I wont be doing that for anyone else. None of them deserve it

Next week we are moving to somewhere new as the staffroom is being refurbished. Don't know where yet though. Someone asked this morning and got told by the FUD that it was somewhere and he would need to find out. Oh, yes, its over there vaguely pointing down the corridor. Where? Its a room just over there. Where? Its a room they have given us ( the school ). Where? I think its near the library. So fucking typical of this guy. Knows fuck all, is sorted in a job for next year unlike most of us, so cant be bothered to do anything. PRAT. When I leave, I am going to name the name so everyone can avoid him as much as they can.

Well, we have a meeting tomorrow to presumably tell us when we are to be released and where we are going next week and indeed what time we need to come in - we normally get cut hours during report card time.

The rumours are still flying with March 18th being the favourite release date but I heard a new one that apparently the school wanted us not only out of the staffroom but also out of the school tomorrow!! This may have been extended by a week to let us do the report cards. But the funny thing is that a lot of the rumours are originating from the FUDS but through different people. So, is the situation changing that fast so when they speak to one person its this and then later when they speak to another its that? Are they making it up as they go along. Do they actually know anything themselves? God only knows! And they are probably trying to keep him off the circulation list.

But, I found the memo they gave us last year for the early release so I will bring that if they try anything stupid tomorrow like let us away early but no pay.

Lets wait and see.

Now, come on folks click that top thai sites blue square on the right, I am still not in the top 100. I mean for petes sake, I only need 42 hits to get to number 100.

Exam Week Part 3 and Contract Endings

I wasn't too good yesterday so took a day off. Why not, I am entitled to 3 days a semester and this was only my second day.

Anyway, come back and find out someone has given a class an exam in my absence. Bollocks! Now what I am I going to do for the other 2 periods? Teach?! :)

It seems like the scores in the P3 reading and writing are considerably lower than they were last semester. No wonder. It is really a totally new type of exam they got from any others we have given them. I think the average mark will come in about 50-55% which is shocking when you think about it. But it all comes back to the same thing, that if they actually do some work themselves in the class instead of me having to pull them reluctantly in the direction of work, they would be finding things a lot easier.

Now onto another end of term possible horror story. As you know the agency lost the contract with the school as of March 31. Come the beginning of March, the school will be closed. No thai staff, no janitors, nothing and next week we have to leave our staffroom for refurbishment. The agency has no new school positions to offer anyone and only a couple were approached ( quietly ) for corporate full time teaching - and that was only if they were already doing it. So basically the situation is this. Out of 20 teachers here and another 5 at the senior branch of the school, about 4 are staying with the agency in an admin or corporate capacity. No one has been given a job in another school because the agency hasn't got any new contracts.

The ones they now do have are very small, around 5 teachers in, maybe 4 schools. There is a nasty rumour now going around that when the semester ends here in a couple of weeks and all the report cards have been marked Etcetera that instead of - as has been done before - giving a bonus of a couple of weeks holidays and letting people go early, they are instead wanting to make people come into the main office to do "make work". They are apparently thinking that teachers can do this or can leave early but with NO PAY.

So lets clarify

This year. With no job to look forward to, no schools to prepare material for, they want 20 teachers to continue to report for work in the main office after finishing marking and report cards and cut out stuff from newspapers and prepare material for who knows or walk away early without pay.

Last year. With teachers coming back or going back home, we finished the marking, writing report cards and then sat around doing nothing for 3 weeks in our staffroom and they let us away a couple of weeks early.

If this is true and at the moment I don't know if it is for certain, it will be a total slap in the face for everyone who has worked here. The contract is ending so why not end it on a good note with a sense of "you have worked here for 2 or 3 years so thanks and goodbye". THE AGENCY HAS ALREADY BEEN PAID FOR THIS PERIOD. So, this is not a case of them losing out, it will be a case of them been penny pinching bastards. But, I will now hold my ire and fire until I know for certain. A thread on ajarn.com could be soon arriving.

There was supposed to be a meeting today to announce something - probably the end date and the end of term arrangements but it was cancelled. Supposedly because the school hasn't told the agency when it will cancel the work permits. This is the most worrying for me because it goes with the Visas. I want to go home in March if I get away early but I don't want to come back from holiday to find out that I have entered the country on a cancelled Visa.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Can't really think of anything much to say except ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz same old same old.

The biggest announcement was that as of next week the assistant FUD is going to start deleting files off the pcs we use. Why? The pcs aren't ours, they aren't the agencys' so why is he deleting stuff? The only thing that will happen is that the EP teachers who use the pcs next year will get a laugh when they see the amount of crap thats been stored on them - funny pictures, letters home, avatars, holiday pictures and so on. Nothing interesting really.

On that subject the agency is now already starting to clear out the staffroom including all the worksheets and supplimentary material that we use. Ah well, we only have another 6 days teachign. Why would we want to have anythng to give the kids anyway?

And so far still no news on when we will be released from this hell that is called......... The FUD i no doubt enjoying the little sense of power he has in holding that information back.

Exam Week 2

Hey ho and the week progresses.

Its all much of a muchness which the kids trying to cheat - badly. You would think they would at least make an effort to try and hide the fact. Nah, that would mean having some sort of imagination and intelligence. Its just been the usual asking each other what does this mean, what did he say ( in the listening test ), looking at each others papers by blatently looking.

Today was one of the worst, I had one kid who actually held his paper up in front of his head to try and hide the fact that he was turning round to ask someone what the answer was. So, little clues on how not to get caught -
no 1, dont hold up bright white paper at head level. It shows up nicely in peripheral vision.
no 2, if you need to copy dont copy from the guy behind you. Turning your body kind of gives it away
no 3, dont try and stand up and walk over to another desk to borrow a pencil. Especially when I can see your pencil case full of them on your desk. DOH!
no 4, dont sit next to the dumbest kid in class and copy from him. A monkey has got more chance of writing the correct answer.
no 5, when you ask someone what the answer is, try to whisper not speak normally. Not all teachers are deaf.
no 6, at least try and see where the teacher is. Trying to copy when I am right behind you looking to see how you are doing is not a good time.

The job hunt continues with a couple of applications sent away today and a couple of rejections back, Hey ho.

Exam week Over - Part 1

Well, the first week has gone by.

Yesterday, 4 days into it, the FUD tells us that the speaking tests and listening tests are to be out of 10 marks, except the P3 which are 15. Oh goody and what happens if you have already done those tests? Ah well, never mind.

The writing test for P2 is so easy they are finishing it in about 3 minutes. No I am not joking. 3 sections where the have to put a tick or a cross into a box in part 1 a single word, in part 2 rearrange a body part name, so a single word and then in part 3 write a single word - name the object. 15 questions.

The writing test for P3 is 35 questions long. The quickest I have had someone do it is 23 minutes.

The first section they have to match a picture and a word to a definition sentence. Now, you would think that because the pictures and sentences are on different pages that they would be facing each other. Logical yes? Umm, too logical. The pages are on opposite sides on one sheet of paper.

The second section is a picture and then a series of questions about the picture. Now, you would think that because the pictures and questions are on different pages that they would be facing each other. Logical yes? Umm, too logical. The pages are on opposite sides on one sheet of paper.

And so the stupidity continues.

The next section gives a sentence and then 3 possible replies. They have to pick the most appropriate one.

The last section is a series of paragraphs and they have to answer questions by reading the paragraphs. Nothing in the book we use really prepares them for this, so most haven't a clue.

As someone else said to me when I asked the question why did they ( our management ) do this, why didn't they think? Thinking is not required here.

Now, you could say that they don't know how to do this as I haven't prepared them through the semester. A fair point to a certain extent but then since we the teachers, don't actually see the tests until about a week before the tests start and the exam we do is from a different syllabus, then I don't think we can really be held accountable.

Oh yes, please click the little blue box on the right, I would like to see if it works. If it does, this site would get into the top 100 thai sites.

More Exam Stuff & Moving

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Oh dear, 4 days of exams done. What is the boy zz doing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Saying that stupid question again and again is doing my head in. Some of the kids have caught on and are talking about the test. IN a way I am actually quite pleased as it does show at least some level of intelligence is out there :)? I had one kid come out, sit down where I am doing the test and said "Beach". Good answer and one of the first I ask. But I hadn't asked him a question yet and the flashcard was upside down so he could only see the white backing!!!

Other beauties today. A kid that said yes or no to everything. I mean everything.

"what is your name?"
yes
"what is your name?"
no
"how are you?"
yes
"how are you?"
no
etc etc etc

oh dear. And of course you had the ones who went
"where are they?"
The mother, father, and two children are at the beach.
"what is he doing?"
he is sleeping on a towel on the beach
"what is he doing?"
He is swimming and looking at the shark coming towards him

Oh to have some sort of graded class. I would love to have a class of roughly the same level. It would be so much easier to teach. You would know exactly what the expectations would b. You could plan so many more interesting activities and challenges for the kids or basically go "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" "MY NAME IS________" and give them colouring in to do.

But of course that wont happen. It would be to much against the whole notion of not being noticed, not sticking your neck out, not being different from the rest. Screw the education just be the same as everyone else.

As markign comes up, I am so tempted to grade accordign to how much I liek the kid. But I don't. I do give them a fair crack. Maybe on half points, if the kid is a trier I will give a bit more leeway but I don't turn a wrong answer into a right one. I will just get them on the report card sections for attitude, behaviour and other comments.

Seeing as how this is the last time we see the kids ( maybe ) a few of us are being really tempted to give a real report rather than a "positive" one. I would love to see the faces of the parents and school when we write something like " Although Somchai can produce high quality work, this only happens when he can shut up for more than 30 seconds at a time, isn't running around annoying the teacher or other students or isn't doing something he thinks is more important like cutting his rubber in half with his ruler. He will make a fine Minister for Education someday."

Our jobs have been advertised in the papers, so if we want to work at this school again, we need to reapply for them. Could be interesting. Anyone who is staying on will be working in the Thai staffrooms next year. Our staffroom is going to be renovated before the start of next term for the EP program teachers who will then take it over. They have in fact started already by demolishing the little store room we had across the way.

The discussion is now when do we need to leave the staffroom and how long are we going to be held to our contract. Depending on what version you hear, the school want us out of the staffroom by Feb 18 ( the last day we see the kids ) or the following week. The agency want us to move to the school library to work on report cards and do marking. Hmmm Is it secure, does it have a phocoto copier to help us copy our cvs and stuff as we are looking for new jobs - note to self, look at ajarn tomorrow - does it have a computer or computers to share amongst 20 teachers, does it have a secure area to store the report cards and papers etc etc

If the agency has their way, they will hold us til the last possible moment. I dare say the school couldn't be arsed one way or another as long as the report cards were done. So anything from March 4th to March 31st could be the release date. And oh yes, the agency is still not officially offering anyone any work for next year. BWAAHHAHAAAHHAAA!!!!!

It has offered work and some have accepted it. But not officially. Enough to make you sick.

Exams & Other Stuff

Well, got a phone call last night from one of the corporate jobs I was after.

Big multinational, looks good. Ish. Go in for the interview today having bought new trews - smart as anything they look. And yes I am wearing a belt with them ( Private joke ). Get to the interview and am given an english test. Right, without looking it up who can give me a sentence in the

simple present tense - easy isn't it.
simple future
simple past No problems !!
present perfect er ok
future perfect
past perfect
present progressive huh?!
present continuous
future perfect progressive
past perfect progressive

Yeesh, that had me struggling. I can never remember all of them, never use all of them more importantly. As well as that proof reading, inserting the right preposition, suffix, prefix, describing what the most important things about teaching corporate english are ( I was tempted to say the fat wedge at the end of the month but resisted successfully), give the comparative and superlative forms of words. Ye gads it was worse than my English Higher all those years ago. 9 bloody pages of test!!!

The interview was a bit wild - unstructured and all over the place. Typically Thai I suppose. By the sounds of it, it will be half proofreading and being the pet native speaker and half doing in house training. Hmmm Need to see what sort of salary they offer, if they offer me the job. They were quite cagey about that, wanting to know what I am on and not saying what they would offer.

As well as that I splashed out on a new electric shaver last night, so I don't need to suffer the Jack the Ripper look each morning.

And speaking of tests, the little darlings continue on their merry way to destroying all hope and feeling of humanity I have towards them.

How are you? I say.
Nine years old, they say.

DOH!!!!

and again I say

DOH!!!!

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The Start of Exams Weeks

Yes, I have got that right.

It is the start of exams weeks. We have three weeks to finish all our exams. I and some of the other teachers have started doing the speaking tests with the flashcards that have been provided.

Already my enthusiasm of asking "what are the differences?" "what is she doing?" has departed the scene by taking the first flight out of the country. I have 60 tests at one level to do and 80 of another. It looks like at the moment that the P3 test - of which there are 80 - may take 5 lessons to do, they are being incredibly slow so far. I am only getting 4 or 5 done in each lesson. Because the P2 test is so much easier I will have that finished in maybe two but definately 3 lessons ( 1 week ).

Its a bit of a joke. The P3 test has 2 cards and one of them is a little cartoon strip. In theory the kids are supposed to give me a story about the pictures. Fat chance. So far the results have not been encouraging. How are you I asked them to settle down. Monday replies one. DOH !!!!! I ended up giving a kid 3 marks just because he managed to walk from the class to the test area without falling over. It certainly wasn't because of any english ability he showed. Mind you, if he had been chewing gum at the same time, I am not sure if he could have got to the test area.

The behind the scenes politicking and manoeuvering is coming more and more to light and those who have been quietly offered jobs on the full time corporate side of things reveal their status. To be honest, that would be my preference as I think I said last week and as I did say to the senior FUD here but "he can only pass on wishes" BS.

New Teachers

Today was just another boring day trying to get the kids to behave and do mock listening tests with the same results as before. Ho Hum.

The last lesson I spent 30 minutes waiting for the class to line up properly, stop playing and stop talking, finally they almost managed it but I had wasted too much of my patience to try anything so I just got them to be quiet and put their heads down on the desk for the rest of the period. At least it gave me a chance to sit down.

We have a new teacher here for the rest of the very short year and well, its just as well its a short year. He is already causing problems with the way he takes the kids to and from class. He just lets them run riot, running ahead into other class group, then when he lets them out he just opens the door and lets them loos to create havoc on the rest of the world. Then again, he is covering the class on the gay yank who had similar problems getting control. So it might not be his fault entirely but he is not helping matters. Earlier in the week he used someone elses classroom and by all accounts the place was a complete and utter shambles with worksheets that had been stored in cupboards, desks were all over the place and so on.

Ah well, only teaching/exam 3 weeks to go.

Listening Thai Kids ( not )

Nothing of note really happened today except that I got feedback on my observation from the head FUD. I think it lasted all of 5 minutes and that included time for a “career chat” on what I was going to do next year. Wow. The biggest, well I will be honest, bigger comment because there were only two, was that I hadn’t got the kids into teams to “involve” them more.

True enough, I don’t have the kids in teams. I have tried it before and then had to change them round because of discipline problems. Then when I changed the teams, they ended up with about half the original team. Which sort of goes against the whole team bonding, making it involved and keeping their interest theory when the team changes every couple of weeks.

I tried a couple of practice listening tests today on the 2s & 3s and really it was as expected. Some did ok and some were just not interested and didn’t try. Some of them are so bad at listening. They just don’t try, don’t want to try and even if they are half trying they cant do it because they are not used to doing it in normal class. Imagine saying “draw a line between the dog and the ball…the chair and the snake….the father and the sandwiches….” Some of them drew lines between the right objects, some between the correct things, some drew LIONS ! Some had lines going from random objects to other random objects, some connected everything.

Now imagine part of the exercise is to colour in various objects. Despite being told to bring coloured pencils to every class, I had one P3 class where out of 20 kids, 7 of them had the coloured pencils. AAARRRGGGHHHH. So a quick lecture of you cannot share, you cannot borrow, you have to write the colour next to the object later and we start the test. Can you guess, the first thing that happens? Yes, that’s right, the ones without the colours start to get up to borrow from the ones that have them. Double aarrgghhh!

The search for a job goes on for May and beyond. But as I previously wrote, the timing in some ways is wrong with many of the schools not yet looking for warm bodies. But there are schools advertising and I have sent a few applications away to see what happens.

Ideally I would like to get a full time corporate gig or in house trainer. A couple have appeared in the Bangkok Post which I have applied for, so it’s a case of wait and see now.

Shaving Problems & Kids

Ooooh eerrr missus. That title sounds a bit suspect doesn't it!

But sorry, I am not that way inclined. I am talking about that daily chore that we men have, scraping the rough hairs off the chin every morning.

By nature and habit I have been an Electric Shaver man for about 20 plus years. The only times I have wet shaved is on holidays when the batteries ran out or for whatever reason I didn’t have my trusty Braun.

I am now in one of those periods when my shaver has broken down and needs to be repaired. As my recollections of wet shaving were of rashes, cuts and pain, I decided to try and make the experience as painless as possible. So I popped down to the supermarket and purchased a BIC dual blade, adjustable head razor with one of those lubricating strips to “make shaving even more of a pleasure” (copyright just about every shaving company) and to make sure, I also bought shaving cream for I think the first time in my life.

The whole idea of using a shaving cream is to provide a foam that will soften the hairs and help the razor blades give you get the closest shave possible without cutting your face or leaving that nasty shaving rash. And to sum it up, that was exactly what I was looking for.

Now which one to choose? Errr Nivea? Wilkinson? Gillette? …… HELP!!!! Too many to choose from!! I quickly became one of those rabbits caught in the headlights of an oncoming car transfixed until its run over. God, which one? Nivea? nah too poncy and gay. Gillette? Yes! A manly product, no doubting I'm a man here. Now which flavour? Original, Lime, Sea Breaze, Pizza? OK, just joking on the last one. Bloody hell. Why does everything come with 15 choices? Cant have a coke now, got to have a caffeine free non diet lemon flavour or a diet caffeine included chery flavour.

Its one of these things in life a man cant admit to. That he cant use a blade razor. Oh bugger, how do I use it? I went straight from bum fluff to electric. I cant ask my mates as thats as good as saying KICK ME, I'M A TOSSSER! Do I go with the grain or against it? Why does shaving the moustache bit and my Adams apple feel so fecking sore ?

So, to the actual first use. Like most foamy things when it comes out the nozzle it is heavily expanded and its only when you first start spreading it over your face you get an idea of how much you actually have. Being the inquisitive and the frankly scared of hurting and cutting myself wimpish type I decided early on to experiment with volumes and time left on the face to see if it made any difference on softening the days growth. I found it didn’t really seem to matter that much how much I put on as it all came off with the first blade stroke. I started off with just one application but towards the end I ended up applying a double application of the foam for the initial sweep and then the following clean up sweeps.

Onto the shaving and the nitty gritty, did it work and make shaving a more pleasurable experience? Well, actually it did. I do have quite a sensitive skin ( no laughing at the back ) as despite the cream and the lubricating strip I still got the shavers rash and the odd cut but it was a definite improvement than trying to shave without. It was only really small patches around the area of my Adams Apple that looked raw. The last time I tried it just with water and soap, I ended up looking like a victim of some deranged machete wielding maniac.

Now whether all the extra ingredients will make any difference in cleansing my pores or moisturizing my skin I have no idea, I don’t really see any difference but who knows. Sounds a bit new age and metrosexual for me.

Why cant they make a smaller size? the smallest I saw was 175g, not only for people like me who are going to use it for only a short time but also for those who want a smaller can for holidays etc or who want to try a new brand without wasting a lot of money for 95% of a product they might never use again?

Now, I hope my Braun will be back soon so I can start using that again. Will I switch to a wet shaving man? Sorry, no. I still prefer the buzz and the shave anywhere convenience of the electric. But, if I need to wet shave I will definitely use the Gillette Foamy to help ease the pain.

Now back to the sad reality. I have managed to make a kid cry again. This time I didnt touch him. Honest! All I did was catch him playing with Blu Tack and I took it off him and for the last 20 minutes of the class he was blubbering away like nobodies business. Jeeeezo!

Assorted School Happenings and an Ajarn Piss Up

Well, it’s been a long time since I slagged any of the staff off so I suppose it's about time.

Well, we finally got a copy of the exams we are going to give out darling beloveds in a couple of weeks and it's the usual cries of horror and bewilderment. And that’s just the teachers.

The Cambridge Exam is one of these tests that supposedly tests the knowledge in a real life type of conversation / instruction. To me it doesn’t do that, it just over elaborates the instruction unnecessarily. I will post the exact script tomorrow but it's along these lines.

Listening test – the student have to draw a line between two objects. Now if the instruction had said “ draw a line between the cat and bus” it would be ok but instead it goes.

Examiner - Put the cat into the bus.
Student - The car?
Examiner - No, the bus.

Now, if I was faced with that I would be going, how can I put the cat into the bus? It's on the paper, I cant physically move the drawing, do I have to draw the cat in the bus? Do I draw a line between them? What am I supposed to do? And the rest of the test carries on in that vein.

One of these days, I am going to find out at what age these are actually aimed at and at what language level. As I said, reading the script, It would take me quite a few seconds to work out what I am supposed to do never mind these kids.

Quite a few long faces I can tell you in the staffroom.

Now, I haven’t mentioned Cleric for a while so here is his chance for glory again. In some ways life has actually improved between the two of us. I don’t speak to him and he doesn’t speak to me. Suits me fine and lately he hasn’t been in the staffroom as much as he used to. Until the last week or so when he started hanging around it again spouting his usual I know best crap. “ This is what you want to do….”

He has started hanging round the back of peoples chairs again reading what they are doing and hoping they get pissed off at him and leave a pc free. Today, he was hanging around and started reading someones CV then he goes “ Oh, it's your CV!” and starts giving advice on layout and stuff. Now OK, this was someone who he is friendly with but.. MY GOD. This is someones personal details!

I don’t care if it is a friend of mine or not who says that but they are intruding on my personal information and space. If I choose to let someone see it or ask them for help, it's my right to do that. Someone imposing their help is unwelcome and frankly unwanted. Even if you do catch site of what someone is doing – email or reading an article or doing a CV it really is quite rude to be nosey. You can’t really help but see a screen if a pc is right next to another but you should really try and be as discrete as possible about it and pretend not to see anything personal.

The other thing is that he has started staying after work which bugs me as well as I write for a few different web sites and forums. Some of which I most definitely don’t want him to know about. So most times I end up going home and to my crappy home connection rather than give away any “secrets”. But, he is supposedly going home in a couple of months so with luck it will only be another 8 weeks or so I have to tolerate him for.

Sometimes people complain about their connection at home and I ask what connection speed have they got? Oh 29.8kbps they say or 30 or 25. Well, tonight I have hit a new low. 6.4kbps. I can only hope that I can actually upload this. Yes, I am typing this on Word and then will copy and paste it over. ICQ can function – just. The BEST speed I have ever got was 26kbps and even then it took about a minutes for a web page to open. Anything with heavy graphics is just a joke. I rarely bother surfing at home. ICQ & MSM messenger and sometimes not even they work until I disconnect and redial. Oh, how I would love broadband!!

Finally got to meet some of the http://www.ajarnforum.net crowd on Saturday night for a piss up. So hello to Reg Young - totally not what I expected him to be like, LDMA - taller than I thought he would be, DJ Pat - pretty much how I thought he would be, Wally Raffles - didnt really have a mental picture of him so no preconceived notions and the same with Mangoedout. Cheers guys.

It's that end of term feeling

The closer and closer we get to the end of term, the more and more energy is being sucked out of us.

Or at least that's what it feels and looks like. People who started off being all bouncy and full of energy and ideas and idealistic and were change the world are now "oh feck, do I have to teach those creeps again?" And those who started off cynical and got, well, even worse.

It's one of those things that annoys me when I speak to people back home - "oh you're an english teacher are you? That must have been fun, playing games. Wish I didn't have a proper job either" ???? Proper job, WTF???? And I go on to give them a piece of my mind about if they think it is easy then why dont they try it etc etc and you can see the expression on their face change to "oh, he's lost it again!"

I am sure that when I go back home and start applying for jobs, I will be asked what I did and be told the same thing. Its easy, its not a proper job etc. If I have the guts I will turn round and say something like "well, if you werent treating it like a proper job then no wonder you feel that way" or "You cant have been actually teaching then" Assuming of course they have done it themselves.

Sometimes, of course, it does feel that I am not teaching, just maintaining crowd control. Especially when the little darlings decide to play up during the Kings Song at the end of the day. Oh, I just wish one time I had a video camera to catch them at it so I could show the thai teachers and parents that little Somchai is not the imagined angel and is in fact one of Satans special little helpers.

Ah well, its the weekend. So two days of not worrying and only 1 more week of real teaching to go until the exams start. Hmm, must get back to ranting about other staff next week :)

Traffic and Pedestrians in Bangkok

I read a lot of stuff on the internet. Perhaps too much sometimes. Unlike a previous writer on the ajarn.com blog, I find that the longer I stay here the less tolerant I have actually become to certain things.

Like the writer in the Bangkok Post a few days ago - who gave notice that he was going to fight back and “help” off motorbike riders who ride on the pavements - I am sick and tired of having to get out the way of them when they decide they cannot be bothered to wait for traffic to move or to try and wind their way through the traffic.

It does seem to be especially bad on lower Silom and unfortunately it peaks at rush hour just when I am battling my way though it to get to the local shops. The other bad time is when I am walking to and from work.

The route to work is a series of alleys that are maybe about 4 feet wider than an average car. This usually means I am walking in a space that has mere inches of safety between me getting hit and arriving in work in one piece. So far, I have been lucky and not been hit or even had metal brush my skin. Others have not been so fortunate and had cars hit their arms, legs or had to fling themselves against walls to avoid being hit. For me, the cars are usually not the problem, it’s the poxy motorbikes.

I can be walking along successfully avoiding the cars and a motorbike decides it cant wait and will charge down the 2 feet of space I am occupying. Its then a game of chicken to see who gives in first. It’s a funny thing but it does seem to be that if I can see the eyes of the rider, I can stare them down but if they have a mirrored visor, its them that usually win. Psychology at work I guess. Even when there is no traffic or there is a gap between cars and the bikes have the whole road to themselves, the bikes do seem to take a perverse pleasure is trying to drive as close as possible to the intended target i.e. me. I have just about as many near misses with no traffic as I have had with traffic!

The trouble is of course, is that if you do “help” off the riders, the odds are us farang are going to come off worse unless we are lucky. But given past experiences, the rider themselves would run after you and catch you, someone else would report you to the coppers, witness could appear even if they didn’t see it and confirm the story and then …. well you get the idea, especially if it’s a motorbike taxi.

Leading on from that, crossing the road is a complete nightmare. Even at pedestrian crossings or should that be especially at pedestrian crossings! I still naively believe somewhere in my brain that the cars will stop and let me cross. Oh no. of course not, that would be logical.

Its purely and simply again a game of dare. If you can dare to step, out the cars will usually stop – but not always. When was the last time you saw a free path across a pedestrian crossing in rush hour? Almost never, the prats driving the BMWs, Mercs, Hondas, buses, taxis etc make sure of that.

Again going back to Silom, last week I was crossing the road and the cars were backed up, a brief break in the traffic produced maybe a 10 foot gap in one lane, the rest were stationary. Thinking it was safe I started crossing. The driver of the middle lane were the gap was saw me, I know he did as we made eye contact. But did he stop so I could cross? No, of course not. The result I was a was not walking straight across but was having to walk diagonally to avoid this prick running me down. If he had just touched the brakes, he would have waited 5 seconds and then continued that precious extra 10 feet to the bumper of the car in front. I think this whole myth of Jai Yen Yen is just that, a myth. Put a Thai behind a wheel and they are more of a homicidal maniac than people back in my home town and Thais think we are hot tempered.

And it has come to pass that I have now had more than 1,000 poor lost souls who found their way here and read the ramblings. So, to all of you I say welcome, thanks and I hope you enjoyed the rant of the days and you come back again. Please visit some of the other sites and buttons on this page I link to.

The Winter of TEFL Teachers Discontent

This is the period where most TEFL teachers in Thailand start to get twitchy.

I am not talking about those backpackers who are here for a couple of months or those who have a history of doing a moonlight flit from one school to another. I am talking about those poor deluded fools who actually try and do the right thing and stay with a school for a full year and try and do their best for the kids. I would like to think I am in this latter category - even though I get frustrated, even though I get angry at the stupidity of them and the whole situation. At the end of the day, I still try and do the right thing.

Now, why are so many people twitchy? Contracts and jobs for the new school year. That's why. A lot of schools haven't a clue what going on next year and don't tell the teachers. The teachers are left with no idea if they have a job, have to find a new one, need to make arrangements for new work permits and so on.

A basic sort of timetable is this

January - teachers begin to ask schools what is happening. Schools begin to ask their board what is happening.

February - teachers ask again what is happening. Schools haven't decided yet what to tell the teachers.

March - teachers start applying for new jobs but there aren't may around as a lot of schools don't know what is happening. Schools decide to wait until after the holidays before making a decision.

April - teachers run around in circles trying to organise a new job and their work permit and visa. Schools cant make decisions because everyone is on holiday.

May - teachers have gone to Japan, USA, UK etc in disgust to be replaced with a new batch of frantic teachers trying to find jobs. Schools realise that term started last week and maybe they ought to advertise.

June - the situation settles down as teachers start to find jobs......


in Taiwan

Schools are still trying to organise timetables and interviews. Students wonder what the hell is going on with the 4th teacher of the year, as any teachers that have been hired have quit because of the chaos.


OK, a bit of an exaggeration but not as much as you might think in some schools.


In a way, at least I know what's happening. I have to get a new job. But it could mean I don't move school. The reason for that is the agency I work for has lost the contract to provide teachers. The school is now going to employ the teachers direct and in fact I saw the advert for it on Sunday. Hmm, should I apply for it considering all I have said.

Well, the answer actually is probably. Because with it going direct, it may provide a better deal than I have just now. Better working relationships with the Thai staff, better pay and so on. OR it could be a complete disaster. Who knows?

The only thing that is certain is that I am now applying for a few jobs, including some International Schools where basically I know I haven't a chance in hell but have decided to try anyway. The worst that can happen is I don't get a reply. Unless of course they phone up and ask me if I applied as some sort of bet! :(

But going back to the broader picture, just who is to blame for all this uncertainty and confusion?

Well, from where I am, it lies with everyone involved to an extent but the majority does lie with the schools in not making plans for the unexpected event called "NEXT SEMESTER" Add in the mix of any new regulations that the government has added, any change of management at the school who wants to change things around and well......

It has to be said that there are some teachers out there who don't help. Agreeing to start a job, getting a second one and then not bothering to either tell the first school they aren't coming or turn up for 1 day or even not turning up in the country!. Which means the school needs to go through the whole hiring thing again.

How can it be improved? Well, a bit of planning wouldn't go amiss from the schools. Some idea for existing teachers on how many are going to be kept on, putting out adverts in February for vacancies in May. On the teachers side, keeping the school informed if they cant take up the position would be a great help to a lot of the "better" schools.

Add all that up, you will still get stuff going on that wasn't expected or planned for and last minute emergencies and changes but it couldn't be any worse than what's happening now.

Could it?

The Finite Amount of Patience

Today I have finally given up with one class and for the remaining two weeks of actual teaching time left, I will get them to do workbook and worksheet activities.

I believe that each of us has a finite amount of patience and for some people its larger than others. I would like to think that mine is pretty large but today mine ran out. I have a P3 class that has 2 really bright kids but unfortunately, they are ill disciplines, rude, disruptive, distractive, over active kids I have out of all my classes. Unfortunately, they then lead the next two intelligent boys down the same road.

Their favourite activity at the moment is to jump up and down behind my back when they think I am not looking. Also whenever the word bottle is mentioned, one of them always shouts bottom! Yes, yes, very good. Now shut up. Looking back I don’t think they have ever shown any respect to me through the full year. They go through the motions sometimes but actual respect, I don’t think so. They also like to shout out almost random words or phrases when I am asking a question ie “where is the meat?” Some of the class will go “ in the fridge” but one of these two clowns will shout out “in the bathroom!” When I ask them a simple question they pretend not to understand. And use impolite Thai to me - ARAI WA? They think I don’t hear and understand what they say but I know enough and hear enough to understand they are being disrespectful.

I have tried involving them in as many activities through the lesson as possible to keep them occupied and interested but as soon as they stop the activity, they start acting up again. They are not interested in listening to other peoples attempts, they are only concerned about themselves. I really don’t want to pick them exclusively for activities as I am aware I am already giving them far too much of my time during a class as it is. The others deserve it far more.

I have sent a letter to their parents, I have shouted them down in front of class, I have given them low marks on their report cards, I have given them lines, I have stood them in a corner, I have had our Thai staff speak to them, I have embarrassed them in front of the rest of the class but as soon as they go out the classroom door all is forgotten and they are laughing and joking about it again.

Of course, what happens when they do this is that the rest of the class watch them or listen to them instead of to me. Now, this foursome are intelligent enough to get away with not paying attention but the rest can't. They need to listen to me and other speaking so they can get it right.

A few of the other teachers have already given up on all their classes and given the behaviour - which goes back to the lack of discipline and consequences of actions that I have moaned about before - that is hardly surprising. Sad but not surprising.

Which is all the more annoying as many of these problem kids are great out of the classroom. You see them on the street or in a corridor and its good morning teacher with a wai, how are you teacher. Rather suspiciously they are on there own or with a parent when they do this. In other words peer behaviour and maybe pressure to misbehave.

Ah well, there are only a few weeks to go and I will only miss one of two kids out the entire lot.

Business As Usual

After all the excitement fo the last few days, its returned to normal or at least as normal as it ever gets in this lunatic asylum.

We had a staff meeting on Friday to discuss a few things and as always, nothing was really concrete. We will all at some point have a chat to discuss future opportunities - when we dont know, but it will be soon. Too be fair, the agency is in a bit of a pickle. They could still be trying to get schools to sign up for next year so at the moment they have nothing confirmed. Or they know exactly what they have - nothing and are too scared to tell everyone. Its probably somewhere in the middle.

But the search for jobs on http://www.ajarn.com/Jobs/index.php continues. I sent away a couple of applications today. But the trouble is not many places look for staff just now. Quite a few leave it until the last minute. The ones that do tend to be the better schools who want a US / UK teaching degree. Not just a TESOL which is a problem for me as I have a degree and TESOL not a teaching degree. However, I am just gong to send off applications anyway and the worst that can happen is the dont reply.

Anyway, again the topic of Visas came up - we will be given plenty of time to get a new job before the agency cancells the Visa and Work Permit of someone leaving next year. Hmm, little bit cynical about this one but will wait and see.

Relief and Discipline in Thai Schools

OK, you were probably wondering what that semi cryptic post on Friday was all about.

Well basically a kid made a complaint about me to the Thai teachers and ran into their staffroom crying his eyes out. He basically said that I had attempted to strangle him.

Au contraire mes amis! All I actually had done was put my right hand at the bottom of his neck to make him keep pace and not wander all over the place like he was trying to do at that point and had done previously. Sort of like a lead on a dog so to speak. I actually thought the way he was wriggling he was just playing and I never heard him say once in English or Thai that I was hurting him. Neither did any of the other kids who were in front, beside and behind me. It was only when I let go – possibly 60 seconds from start to finish – he suddenly “collapsed to the ground” and started crying. My initial reaction was oh what a drama queen as he got quite hysterical and then wouldn’t let anyone else near him and then bolted off to the staff room. Thinking about it now, I still don’t think that I had gripped him at all tightly. But and here’s the rub, we had been warned at various points through the year that we weren’t even supposed to touch the kids, never mind hold them at that point of the body. Hence me saying it was avoidable and mostly my fault, I shouldn’t have done it.

But then what can you do to keep some form of discipline? Most of the “younger” age group teachers have been, at various points, flicking ears, pulling arms to get kids to stay in one place etc etc. Not what you would call corporal punishment at all in my eyes but still definitely classed as touching.

Well, to cut a long story short, the teachers called me in to get my side of the story with one of our office staff translating. A few of the other kids who saw what happened were also called in to say what happened. Not to put too fine a point about it, I was totally bricking it. As I had said on Friday, if logic took precedent, I would be alright. But bearing in mind this is a country where the point of view can be dependent on the clout of the various people and not on the facts then I could have been in for a difficult time and worst case, the agency could have been asked by the school to remove me from the contract.

Fortunately, it seems to have settled with the parents giving it a bit of the “my darling is an angel and would never do this sort of thing” and I am not sure what level of combination but the agency and the school saying the teacher wouldn’t do it deliberately and anyway the kid is known for telling tales.

But anyway, lesson learned. I won’t do that again even though it may be my natural instincts to “discipline” a child for doing something they shouldn’t be doing ( or the other way around ).

But this whole approach and attitude to discipline is very confusing and hypocritical. You see the Thai teachers at the line ups smacking the kids with rulers or their hands on the legs or arms or hands and we aren’t supposed to touch them. When we speak to the parents, they want us to control the kids and get them to talk but when we try to get them to talk, they only talk in thai and don’t listen to us. When we punish them, the parents say we are being too hard and the kids should play more games. Well err… what do you want? Make your mind up please.

Anyway, thank god we only have 3 weeks of teaching left and then we start the exams at the beginning of February and maybe see the kids for the last time round about the 3rd week in. After that its still up in the air when we leave the school for good and what will happen for next year. New school, new job, new rants for sure :)

Uncertainty

At the moment I am really not feeling in the best of moods.

Something has happened today that will either have bad employment consequences for me or it will be brushed off and life will continue as normal. I will hopefully find out for certain on Monday. Logically nothing should happen but bearing in mind this is Thailand and the people involved….. Until then the knot in my stomach will surface every now and again. And of course the really stupid thing is that it was 98% preventable – from my side.

Until then I hope its ciao and not goodbye.

If it all works out OK I will tell you all what happened.

Thai Kids and Little Birds

Watching some of the little ones ( and not so little ones - some of them are bigger than me in both height and weight which is a scary thing for a 12 year old!! ) at lunch today I was trying to think what they look like.

Then it struck me. Little birds still in the nest, waiting for the mothers or canteen staff or whoever to drop the next batch of food down their mouths. Sometimes when you go through the playground in the morning you see kids of 10, 11 years of age being hand fed by teh mothers. Come on ! Have the mothers nothing else to do? Hmm Probably not.

Even in the canteen they seem incapable of waiting more than 1 seconds for the little ( usually susgar infested ) treat. I have seen them literally shove others out the wave to get served. The way they treat the staff is not far short of the way they treat us teachers - with little or no respect. I saw one kid in particular throw a tantrum because there were 4 other kids in the scrum by the server and he didnt get his food fast enough. One other I actually saw go round the back of the counter again because he wasnt served fast enough. Other regularly pull at aprons, arms, legs anything to get the food quicker.

I hold my hat off to the canteen staff I really do. Unfortunately, they are probably of the impressions that they deserve that treatment as they dont have the social standing / face that the kids do with the mums and dads BMWs and Mercs. If I were there I might just slip into the urban myth of the McDonalds employee who, when he gets treated badly gobs on the burger before selling it.

And on that cheery note - I hope you arent eating - goodnight and be nice to anyone that gives you food! :)

2005 and beyond.

Well, happy new year to everyone and I hope it was a good one.

Thailand and Bangkok obviously had quite a quiet one with many bars being quieter than normal and especially the streets as well. It seemed that a lot of people did what the government suggested and just stayed home to see in the new year.

And the new year brings in, for me at least, not a lot of change except the wallet lightened and the waistline expanded. ( why is it never the other way around? )

I had intended to write a mock obituary of an ex college Mr Slabby McSlab who recently departed our scene but obviously in light of other events, it isnt going to happen for a while.

The first day back was as subdued as could be expected from a bunch of teachers who know there isnt much point putting effort in with the kids going beserk, the exams coming up at the end of February, the contract ending and that they will be home or in a new job in a couple of months.

Anyway, chin chin, and dont let the bastards grind you down. ( geddit? grind? Daily TEFL Grin.... oh forget it, good night :) )

Tsunami Thoughts

I dont think I can really let the year go by without putting down some thoughts about what happened down the coastlines of the various countries here.

First off I am glad to say that no one I know was killed. As time has gone by, gradually reports came in of friends, ex colleagues and friends of friends who were down there but all survived. Some are still in hospital but thankfully not seriously injured. One person I know lived down there and his house was basically wiped out but through sheer luck he moved back to America at the start of this month.

I will leave all the who didnt do what and why to other sites such as Thai Visa as quite frankly it just bores me. Its one of these things that distance, for me at least, seems to definately have an effect on how an incident touches me. If I were back home I probably would be going yes very sad next please. Here it has - not changed me - but definately it does make an emotional connection.

It is probably one of these mysterious ways that God has, that ensured there was no way I would be down there again - I was in Patong for a week in June. Our school basically only gave us the weekend of Christmas day off. Other schools I know have 2 or 3 weeks off. If I had that I would certainly have gone out of Bangkok somewhere.

But, I think, even if I had been I would have been ok as I probably would have had a hotel back on the 2nd road, I would probably have not left the hotel yet, I would probably have not been on the ground floor and probably I would not have been on the beach ( unless I had got some excursion that lasted a full day organised ). A lot of probablies I know. The scary thoguht is that if I had gone ot one of the smaller islands, the odds are I would have been in some little bamboo bungalow near the shore and well, given the sheer devastation I have seen on the likes of Phi Phi island, I dont know what would have happened.

Again the standard of english in the english language press releases shows no bottom.

" Pravit Janyasittikul, vice-president of marketing at Central Pattana Plc, the operator of Central World Plaza, said the company had called off its Bangkok Countdown 2005 New Year event. Instead, it has launched a relief programme called the ''Biggest Wave of Your Generosity'', which is now accepting donations."

http://www.bangkokpost.com/Business/29Dec2004_biz55.php

I mean did somebody not think that oh, we have just had the biggest Tsunami in 100 years, lets not call the campaign the "Biggest Wave" It just beggars belief sometimes this country. Did somebody somewhere not have a dictionary??

Since its happened the number of stories about the heroics and generosity of individuals show again that basically, we humans, can actually be human from time to time and stop all the bullshit that we think is important.

Its just a shame that we only tend to do it when the shit has hit the fan and not all the time.

Where ever you are, remember the most important things in life are ( in no particular order ) love, family, friends and health. Everything else is disposable.

Have a Good New Year and may it be better than this one.

Super Teachers!

We have a guy in the office who started at the second semester and he comes over as basically a pompous ass who thinks he is better than everyone else.

He likes to think of himself as a great teacher because he does all this stuff with his kids. Hmm, the reality is he has got them doing all this flashy stuff creating diaramas and posters and what not with about 2 sentences of english. The rest of the time is taking up with colouring in, cutting up, gluing and so on and so on. In other words the kids love it and there is something flashy at the end of it to show off how busy he was but how much have they actually learned?

He also is a space hog - so the people sitting beside him come in to find his bag on their chair, his books / activities in their space and so on. He also bought two plastic "office tidy ups" for all his papers, pens and so on and so on, so they actually take up almost his entire space before anything else goes on. Fortunately I am not one of those beside him but those that are are pissed off. It may sound trivial but in a small staffroom personal space can be a big issue.

He is also apparently turning up late for classes, he comes out of classes quite a few times during lessons to come back to the staffroom to pick up stuff he "forgot" and so on and so on. We are supposed to be here at 7.50. He has decided off his own bat that as he doesnt start working til 9.30 or so some morning he will come in around 9! Now in theory, he is allowed 4 late arrivals before he is docked on of the 3 sick days we are allowed each semester.

And for me the worst thing that someone could possibly do - he noisily SLURPS his coffee!! EEUUUCCCHHH!!!

I would love to know if he has been spoken to about his time keeping. I wont hold my breath though.

Merry Xmas & Some Stats

I hope everyone is having a happy Xmas Day where ever you are in the world and are not working - unlike me.

Apologies to Firefox users. For some reason the addition of the google search box at the bottom of the page has moved to the top of the right hand column. I have no idea why that is, it was fine a couple of days ago and it doesnt do that in IE. Hey Ho!

Some geeky stats for you now.

16% of you are using Firefox, 79% IE, 2% Mozilla, 1% each for Netscape and a couple of versions of Opera.

64% are using XP, 15% Windows 2000, 12% W98, 5% some variation of Mac OS ( I know who you are RickF! ), 1% unknown and 3% Windows Millenium.

Looking at where you are browsing from - as in domains its pretty mixed with compaq.com at 1%, navy.mil 2% ( Storekeeper is that you? ), ac.uk1%, eircom.net 1% and pc7at 6% is the biggest identifiable one. The majority arent trackable and just are classed as IP numbers - 43%.

According to Organisation tracking, I have got 53% tracked as IP addresses, 17% as .net, 13% as .com, 5% as .th, 3% as .uk, 2% as .mil, 2% as .fr, 2% as .ca, 1% as .no, 1% as .edu and 1% as .au

If you recognise yourself well done !

For some reason the 23rd is the most popular day to visit. Must go back and see what I posted on those days! November has been the most popular month.

Ah well. A whole day and a half holiday. Better go and enjoy it.

Keep Safe & Well.

Xmas Cheer In A Bangkok School

I would like to say there is some but basically there aint.

Too much uncertainty still abounds about what is happening next year. The agency still havent officially confirmed what is happening with the contract, if we will be offered new jobs at other schools etc etc.

Add to that this is a marking / report card week where we say ( or rather would like to ) in as many ways as possible that little Somchai is a lazy little shit who we would happily beat around the head until our hands bleed and that we have to perform for the head brothers a couple of christmas carols this afternoon like performing monkeys and that I am not sleeping properly for some reason the last couple of nights and for some reason the fact that I am not at home with my family for Xmas and that we dont get any Xmas holidays and in fact have to work on Xmas morning to attend the brilliantly timed Xmas fair set up by the school and that the are now playing Xmas tunes over the school loudspeakers and that I have a headache and you will probably guess that I am not really in the best of moods today.

What a wonderful Christian school we work at. No extra holidays for Xmas because Xmas day is on a Saturday and they make us work part of it to boot. Back to work as normal on Monday.

Wow. Thanks a lot guys.


UPDATE -

It turns out that tomorrow is a holiday after all. Oh yes, the agency knew 2 weeks ago that tomorrow would be a holiday. When did they tell us? This morning! Spastic power hungry fuckers who like to play little mind / power games to try and show who is in control. ( apologies to spastics )

Oh yes, out of the 18 teachers here, how many did the agency invite to the agency xmas party? Two. One of whom just started. So the rest of us who have been here, one year, two years or god forbid 3 years are not invited. And of course, they privately ask the invitees to try and keep the fact that there is a party secret.

And then they wonder why no one is happy.

Pretentious Teachers

Just how pretentious and arrogant are teachers?

The reason I am asking this is a conversation I heard last night in a bar in Silom. It consisted of four teachers, three of whom looked the earnest late 20s out to change the world types and one maybe middle 30s. I suppose that the conversation is a fairly harmless one but it was more the style than the content that had me nearly spilling my beer at times at the whole pretentiousness of it all. As they were talking about different subjects, I am again guessing they were in some English Program somewhere at a better school.

The heat of the discussion was, which is the most vital subject that is being taught today.

Now part of the trouble is that when you are trying to listen to a conversation you shouldn’t be and you are in a public place, you can’t really make it so obvious that you are trying to listen in. Also you tend to miss parts of the conversation.

I wonder if this is a common debate in staffrooms across the lands - my subject’s better than your subject! I really don’t know if they ever stopped to think about just how bad the conversation sounded from the outside. They can’t even have the excuse they were drunk because they weren’t, it was still early afternoon. I think maybe about after 40 minutes or so I gave up and went to another bar as they were still at it.

As ever, it seemed to be the history teacher that had the most to say, how people must learn the past so they don’t make mistakes in the future, the past has many lessons etc etc.
What is it about history teachers? All the ones I have known have loved the sound of their own voice. The last one I worked with was so opinionated that once I had learned the lesson, I never raised particular subjects, walked away when some came up or just went to sleep - mentally. Especially if he had drunk a few. It was then a case that you weren’t really in a conversation, you were in a lecture and you got lectured and any viewpoint was totally dismissed as worthless and you were thought of as an idiot.

But moving on, a lot of teachers here – especially in the “better” schools - do seem to be quite full of their own self importance. I have spoken to a few who seem convinced they were changing the world with the one hour or two a week they see their kids, for how the kids loved them and would press their little faces again the glass window of the classroom eager to get it and learn from them.

It may be different for some people, but I didn’t have a particular teacher that did that to me at school. Sure, there were teachers I respected because they knew their stuff and made it interesting but me running up to the door to press my little face against the classroom door? Please, pass the sick bucket.

The teachers at the lower end seem to have a much better expectation of what impact they have. They know that maybe they will get one or two kids that pay attention in a class or want to learn quietly and maybe just maybe they can pass some encouragement onto the kids. The rest? Well, do your best and hope they will shut up once in a while and maybe one or two will remember you in six months time. The only reason these kids might run up to the classroom window is because they know the will get to play games and run around all lesson.

American Insensitivity

Its been a while since I have had a rant about some of the others teachers. So today seems a good one after what happened.

We have 5 pcs in the staffroom. Four of which the teachers use and one for the Thai assistants. They are both female and relatively young – mid / early 20s. One of them in particular has really good English, as in she understands about 90% of what we talk about, can make a very good guess of another 5% and will make a reasonable stab at the rest.

For most of today, the internet access was down. But around lunchtime Cleric found out that the pc used by our thai assistants still had access. It seems that the school system administrators have been playing around with the network settings to deny us access. Why this is, I have no idea. Maybe its one of these things they are doing to show even more that they don’t want us or they need the bandwidth for something or whatever I have no idea. Anyway, Cleric starts complaining about it and how "we need our porn" and "fucking this" and "fucking that" and on and on. In some ways a bit understandable if it was just the guys who had been around, after all, I am not adverse to a bit of juicy language at times.

The trouble is that the two Thai assistants were there and very much in earshot.

But it gets worse. As you may remember, Cleric is an ex IT guy, so what does he do? He changes the network settings of on one pc so he can get on the internet. He of course doesn’t offer to do it for anyone else. Nah, that would mean he was thinking of someone else for a change. When someone else from his teaching group saw that, he asked Cleric to change the settings on another pc. Fair enough. Then the fun begins. This other teacher started surfing and opened up a web site that had… well err…. pictures that could only be described as porn. So, Cleric saw this and went to the same site. Now to the bit that gets me into the disbelieving stage. They were on two ajoining pc’s with one of our printers in between. Using the printer at that time was one of our Thai assistants. It just so happens that one of the models has a name similar to our assistant. They then unbelievably make a loud comment about the similarity.

So lets recap. At lunchtime in the staffroom ( admittedly all male teachers ), which both Thai staff and students sometimes come into, two teachers were looking at porn while our two young female assistants were in the office, not only that, they were looking at it on two pcs while she was using a printer in between them!

Sheer and absolute stupity!!!

It gets worse. Our boss – the FUD - actually saw that and was laughing about it afterwards.

OK, lets review again. He sees two teachers, looking at porn while a female Thai assistant is beside a pc and he thinks it’s a joke.

I do not know, if he has actually spoken to or intending to speak to these two or not. But, I mean for gods sake, how about some discipline?

How about some common sense? How about some thought for the feeling of
a) the setting – during the day where students, Thai teachers and administrators could come in
b) the setting – where our two young female staff are in the office
c) the setting – where one of them is actually BESIDE the pc where they are looking at porn
d) not swearing in front of women – I know that’s a bit old fashioned but…

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident of Cleric lack of thought and feeling for others. A few weeks ago, he was complaining about having to live in an apartment that costs 10,000 baht a month to one of the other teachers over in one area of the office. Just listening to him whine was bad enough, but, he was sitting at the Thai assistants desk and one of them was sitting there.

So to recap, he was complaining about having to live in a hovel that costs as much per month as the girl gets in her monthly salary ( if not more ). I mean how would you like it if some fat arsed foreigner who gets 4 times your salary complaining about having to live in some “poor” place that costs your monthly salary. I know I wouldn’t like it, but she is far too polite to complain.

What she must say in private, I have no idea but I can guess it wont be good. All these rich falang who dont care what they say or do, look at porn....... Thank you for making the stereotypical English teacher image stronger than ever.

The sooner this guy fucks off back to yank land with his little trophy girlfriend the better. Apparently the plan is they will live in an area where there are lots of Thais and she will teach Thai. Hmmm. Potential problem here I think. Perhaps if there are lots of Thai people they can already speak Thai? There is a great suspicion that basically once she gets over there and finds out that there are far more handsome, just as rich and thinner Americans, he could be in for a very miserable time. If this sounds like jealousy, I suppose in a little way it is as I don’t have a regular girlfriend and seen how she licks an ice cream ;) but it sure saves a lot of hassle in other ways!!

Anyway, back to the topic. I struggle to find the ways in which what happened was so wrong. Fuckwit.

Thai Kids and Exam Attitudes

Back to the wicked world of exams this week. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

We are only giving two exams just now, a Reading & Writing one and a Listening one. That’s a laugh, them listening. The chance would be a fine thing.

So far, it’s gone pretty much as expected with the usual blank stares, the no hoper efforts and the finished teacher cries after what seems like only 2 minutes from the bright ones. Add in the usual pathetic attempts at teaching, I mean they are not even bright enough to try and copy when I am not looking or more than 1 yard away from their desk!

One thing that was thumped into me at school and especially by my mother - sometimes literally - was the concept of " if you don’t know, put something down and hope you get credit for it anyway" especially in the likes of mathematics where I wasn’t that brilliant, I always ended up putting something down to show what I was trying to do before I got stuck or in the yes / no questions at least a guess. Who knows how many marks I got ( not enough, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. Boom Boom! )

But its crazy the number of kids who just give up and put nothing down, just dashes. I have already started marking and if in a block of 5 questions that they have really got wrong, they will get 0 of course, but if they have made an attempt and by strict marking they would get 0, I am sometimes giving them 1 mark or so depending on how close they were.

One of the sections is about using must or mustn't
the gap sentences are
You --------- feed the animals
You -------- touch the animals
You -------- buy a ticket
You -------- put litter in the bin.

The number who are getting these wrong are scary considering this was only taught two weeks ago. It also maybe explains the number of kids and adults in Thailand who lose limbs or have parts bitten off as they try and touch the nice cuddly lion and oh what big teeth it has. Nice rabid doggy! What do you mean don’t cross the green and brown wirezzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got told off today because a lot of us are doing marking in the classroom while kids are doing their exam or after they have finished it. Oooh that’s right, the kids might actually find out what their real scores are rather than their pretend wishy washy grade zones are. Of course we can’t let that happen.

I hope that they don’t think we are stupid enough to let the kids see the answers on our desks as we are marking, Nah, probably another control tactic to give us something to do next week when the kids have their Thai exams. As well as writing their mid term progress reports. Then in, oh say February we are marking their full term exams and in March we are writing their full year reports. Talk about overkill. Purlease!

If it actually mattered and anyone took a blind bit of notice about what they said then fine, but they don’t so what’s the point of all the paper work? Control tactics from the agency again, so we look busy and industrious.

Learning Thai

Do we do it? I mean of course learning thai. Err..... the majority, if we are honest will actually say no to this.

The vast majority merely stumble along with maybe 50-60 odd words that we spout out in the hope that they actually mean something and particularly something actually relevent to the conversation you are having.

Probably the biggest barrier is the tones. If you havent got a good ear, words sound exactly the same with a falling, mid, high, rising, low tone or anyother way of saying the blasted word. A lot of times, I just give up and revert to the pointing, mumbling state of tourist terror when they dont understand me. Other times in the 5 ways I say the word I accidently say it with the right inflexion and tone and they understand or someone is listening and they repeat the word to the general nodding of heads and understanding of the person I was speaking to. The trouble is, it sounded exactly like the way I was saying it.

Sometimes, I think it is actually a great conspiracy that Thais have just to make fun of the falang. They just want a bit of fun at the foreigners expense.

The thing of course is confidence. Too many times, we write in our report cards so and so lacks confidence to speak. But what do we do when we have a chance to speak thai? We mumble and stumble or just rely on their English. Not exactly a great example. But, unless I get a fire under my butt and put some effort into learning it properly, I am probably going to continue the same way, picking up a couple of words here and there and maybe in 20 years I will have the Thai level of a 5 year old!

Its getting cold in Bangkok!

Hard to believe really but it is now feeling pretty cold here in Bangkok.

There have been a couple of times where I have turned off the air con in the classroom and just had the fan on. Its funny watching the kids in their home rooms and the whole logic than goes on here. It seems to be that as soon as the thermometer drops below 30 degrees the kids start wearing jackets and sweatshirts to keep warm. Crazy. Its also the case that they dont seem to be able to regulate the air con thermostat. It just seems to be on or off.

This is true out in the real world as well. So often you see people working with jackets on. Why? Because they are cold. How about changing the air con settings? Cannot do. Err why? Dont know. As usual the double edged sword of living in this country.

Its actually got so cold at night I have put a blanket on the bed. Remarkable considering usually I dont even sleep beneath a sheet. And the stone floor of my living room is so cold that I have to wear socks or put slippers on to keep my feet warm! Good grief, any more of this and it will almost feel like home. I suppose in a couple of months when the hot season starts again I will be looking back at this time with a sense of nostalgia wishing it was colder.

Every so often, I do a little search on google and yahoo and so on, just to see where this site is in their search results. I got a pleasant surprise today to find out I have been mentioned on gadling which is a travelling blog for enagaged travellers. Hmm, not quite sure what that means but hey, more exposure for me. http://www.gadling.com/entry/1234000027021191

The run up to exams

Here we are once again in the run up to exams next week and what happens? Its a 2 day teaching week. Just the thing to help the kids prepare dont you think.

A combination of the Kings Birthday, Sports Day and Constitution Day result in vastly reduced hours. I suppose I shouldnt complain but its that old professionalism nagging at the back of my mind again. I really have to get rid of it. Its interfering with my attempts not to give a damm.

At the moment, I am sitting in an internet cafe and boys from the nearest Mathayom school have either cut classes or they have reduced hours as well as they are currently shouting their heads off over Counter Strike which leaves with me a wish that I had a baseball bat or a shotgun with a good supply of shells or indeed both. Oh yes, and earplugs. Just see what I think about noise in a previous rant. I loved the game POSTAL, just the thing to relieve stress by kicking anything living and blowing away the shopkeeper as they charged you too much for a can of coke. ( I will momentarily forget about the big video card requirement this game has and the other drawbacks )

Thai School Activities

The month of December is filled full of outings, cheering rehearsals ( yes they do get to rehearse how to cheer ), Xmas practice, sports day practice, pratice practice activites and so on and so on.

You soon begin to wonder if the kids can do anything without practising - sorry reality check, no they couldnt.

This has a both pleasant and unpleasant side - doesnt everything? Pleasant side first, well of course, they need time to do all this practice so we dont see the little darlings for as much as usual. Today it worked out I had only one lesson, goodie goodie :) But the unpleasant is really really unpleasant. Our staff room is just about directly above one of the area they have cheering practice in and song practice and anything that involves the kids singing loudly, someone playing a bass drum and an out of tune Thai teacher with microphone leading the song on. At the moment its roughly the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In, so its boom, boom, da daa da daa, boom da da da daa, boom da da daa daa da da daa

There should be a law passed that says anyone who cannot hold a tune or a note for more than 1 second should be banned from singing and the sentence must be immediate execution. That would stop things quite nicely and probably decimate the worlds pop industry as well. Added Bonus !!

Bizzare Sights at School

A few days off due to non internet connectivity at home & work and sheer lazyness to go to a internet cafe resulted in the little break in postings. But I am back BWWAAAAHHHAAAHHAAA!

Earlier today one of my classes was lining up inside their homeroom and their homeroom teacher had just basically fucked off as usual wanting as little interaction with the horrid falang as possible. I thought about opening the door but thought the better of it as they have as little common sense as, well, a thing with very little common sense.

With this particular class even when I ( we the falang ) am in charge of lining them up from a break and sending them into their rooms to get their books and line up again outside its chaos. They always want to battle against each other and go against the prevailing tide so that they can push, shove, thump, bodycheck their way into and out of the classroom unless I physically hold them back or tell / shout to them to again wait until everyone is in the room.

Today it was like a cork coming out a champagne bottle, out they all ran without looking and I unfortunately mistimed getting out the way and they ran yelling and screaming and pushing out of the room. Over, through and a couple I think made it around me. The result was I had footprints and marks on my shoes and somehow on my trousers. If a Thai teacher hadnt been coming down the corridor I would have given those little swine sweet merry hell. She just gave them a looks could kill glance and they shut up. Another example of the level of respect and attention the kids give us and Thai teachers.

And onto bizarre sights, walking to a class at lunchtime today, I was greeted with 5 boys in a corridor in a line spaced about 2 yards apart. Two teachers were there talking to them. A bit strange I thought, maybe the boys were bad and were being punished. Errr, no. Walking a bit more I saw another kid with a football dribbling between the boys to practice his football skills!!! Add to that the number of other boys just moving between classes it was somewhat a surreal sight. No, it wasnt raining and no I have no idea why they could do it down in the playground with cones.

has it really got to the stage where boys are cheaper than traffic cones?